At this stage of limbo, not sure where I am, knowing where I’ve been, and try fathom where I can get too, I can feel my thoughts changing almost singularly, if you will picture a scale of 100 to 0 every thought a number on that scale, and slowly but surely these thoughts click by and sliding down this scale and gaining momentum, and one by one anything positive becomes a what if moment, what if I don’t like a choice I know I will make, what if it doesn’t work out like this or that, what if the only way to know is to do, that is the scary part, the part of that says, “you can’t do it, you’re not that type of person, that’s not your life”
Now picture standing in a great hall, some game of thrones style shit, and right down the far end, of this cold dark hall, a small light turns on, it seems so far away, but this is the first thought that says “what if, pretend you did it, how good would this be” and every step towards that light is climbing the scale again, and then your back at 40, then 50, then 70, see you barely think about being back at the other end of this hall, you’ve lost count of the steps, see one step is easy, taking just one at a time is moving you towards this light, this idea, as your getting back to 100, the world feels conquerable again, your pushing forward still getting closer to that light, envisioning and planning ways to make that light fill this hall, ways to make it stay lit up, running now, you can feel the warmth of contentment, little steps during the week are almost fleeting in your day, yet, some days you’ve taken 5 or 6 steps others 10, and your back on top.
Some people that are content in the dark try to pull you towards them, to join in their darkness, we’ll call these people realists, see they don’t want to dream because the light of dreaming is too hot, It’s too scary, it makes no sense, they can’t control the light only their patch of dark, see the thing about you is that you’ve trained for this, you’ve mastered this race, you’ve been up and down these steps before. Now I’m not saying resting on the steps is bad, but settling is, you need to always know what is at the end of the hall, keep that lightbulb idea alive, shed the claws of ‘realists’ keep running, seek your dreams, be your dreams. Be what people said you couldn’t.
Remember when you thought you couldn’t be that person? Guess what, you are that person, one step at a time in the right direction got you there. This is your life.